What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
