Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
