my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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