You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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