If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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