new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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