Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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