Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
