I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So vagazzling was a success
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
