he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
