if i died would you start the facebook group?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
