he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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