You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
