Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
