somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
