Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
