i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
