Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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