dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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