why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
