I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
