i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
