bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize