having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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