Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Less talking, more tequila
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
