The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
