do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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