She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
