I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
