Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
