i just had sex bonerless
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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