Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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