3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
