??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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