Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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