yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
