Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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