The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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