He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
