It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize