no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
