How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize