mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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