In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
