Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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