it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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