dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
