he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
