I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
