that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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