I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
