Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
