I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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