This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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