I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
