Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
