dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
