Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
