my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
