woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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