what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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