I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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