in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
