Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
