shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize