Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize