I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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