he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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