just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
