This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
