Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
