If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
