How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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