My liver just broke up with me...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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