They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
