You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
