thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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