we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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