the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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