Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
