this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
