My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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