I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
