I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
