i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
