I need help removing her.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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