im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
