he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
