Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
try to milk me bitch
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