You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
