that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
