Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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