On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
