my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I could make wine with my vomit
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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