I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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