My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
