I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
