Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
