FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
