Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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