Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
