first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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