Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
