I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
