there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
